I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
