I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
