never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
