it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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