3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
