Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
