She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
