The maid of honor just puked.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Semen is not good for contacts.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize