her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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