Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
