How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
