It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
