i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
