Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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