I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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