Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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