This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
