There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
