Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His nipple licking is glorious
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