she was so not down for the gang bang
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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