Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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