Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
