Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
