people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
