Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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