we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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