The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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