wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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