need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
