We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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