I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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