4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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