is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
