I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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