so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
