it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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