Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
false alarm, still single
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
