If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
