That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
