I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize