Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
