I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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