i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize