first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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