ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
