i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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