I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
