She's JV to your varsity
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
