my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
