I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
