Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
