I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
