Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
