Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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