There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
