I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize