I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
