Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
