from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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