ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My Sexting was not on an AP level
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
