hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
