nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
