We named our party play list daddy issues
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
