i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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