Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
