people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize