I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Still dying that you shit outside
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
