That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize