I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
