I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
