I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
