THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
