My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
